Monday, December 21, 2015

The things I remember

For so many years, since Easton was born, our holidays were meant to be perfection.  Ornaments, crafts, special outfits, the whole 100 percent.  The first year Weston was in the hospital, I seriously exhausted myself making the kids and him do an ornament per day.  The next year,  we were so lucky to be in Philly and he was at GOL with us.  What an amazing day.  We stayed in PJ's all day-all against the GOL House rules.  On December 1, 2013, I got the ABC Christmas movie calendar.  Weston was super sick.  It was my job to make this the best ever.  (Imagine having a giant rock on your shoulders).  We brought in decorations, and then, his tree got tossed over in a rush to replug in his oxygen.  Our poor nurse (he had no kids but was amazing), immediately swept up the glass as tears rolled from my eyes.  This was going to be the best Christmas ever, damn it!  That is right, come hell or high water, we were all going to have memories.  Then, came the call.  Weston went to surgery, the kids all got to see him after and see that he was doing well.  The littles were swept off by my amazing friend, Laura.  Come Christmas, Weston was reintubated.  He had no interest in Christmas and all of the kids presents were piled in the bathtub in his room.  Our sweet friends, the Terruso's took Easton and Santa surprised him with concert tickets.  Thank God for them and Laura.   It was that day, as Adam and I sat  wondering about all of the unknown, that I felt the spirit of Christmas.  I knew about God and was a firm believer but, what I had never had was the feeling of seeing strangers care for your child, give their time up with their own family to spend with someone more needy, move our elf "shelf" around and make sure that Weston's every need was met.  They were the people that small talked with me because I need to talk when I am nervous, they were the people who bounced Ellie as a baby when I was so sleep deprived, they were the people who kept me sane.  I loved their stories of restaurants and dating.   We shared funny stories and recipes.  That love, that love for others is really the "magic" of Christmas.  What they were able to give to me will never be able to explained.

While Weston will never celebrate another holiday with us, here on Earth.  I know his spirit is near.  Many Angel friends have gotten pregnant with their Rainbow babies, one of Weston's most beloved nurses finally got engaged to her long time bf, other loved nurses are traveling to amazing places and helping children, and so many people have sent us sentiments of love and how they feel Weston is close.  It is because of all of you that I feel a little better, a little closer, and a little more loving towards everyone this holiday season.  Adam and I hope you all have a most Blessed holiday.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Dear mama of our transplant Angel,

While today, two years ago was the day Adam and I had been waiting for, for Weston, we had also been praying for you for years.  Life shouldn't be like this.  No child should have to die.   It is just unnatural.   But, last night, two years ago, your daughter passed.  You decided then to make the amazingly brave decision to donate her organs to children you didn't know.  In the middle of your tragedy, you gave my baby a second chance at life.  Grateful doesn't describe it.  Adam and I spent years while Weston waited on the transplant list hoping for God to give you peace or for God to intervene and Weston not need a transplant.  Two years ago, millions of people started praying for you because you are the mother of Weston's Angel donor.  I hope those people still keep you on their minds because I think about you everyday.  Although Weston's transplanted life was very short, you gave us the gift of knowing that we had done all we could do.  You, unknowingly, helped us move the earth, moon, and stars to keep him on this earth.  So, today, wherever you are, I hope you feel surrounded by all of the prayers and thoughts and love that I ask all of Weston's followers for, for you.  In honor of your daughter, Adam and I challenged people to sign up to be organ donors.  So far, over 3,000 have done so.  I hope that you know that your gift was not in vain and that we treasured the months after transplant.  You allowed our son to celebrate another Christmas, take another bubble bath, ride is tricycle around the CICU, and most importantly, spend time with his brother and best friend.  You gave us the gifts that no one else could.  Please know that we will never forget you or your daughter.  We will think of you daily and your admirable decision.  I hope others are as brave as you and sign the organ donor card or do it online at http://1.usa.gov/19QysQ8

Friday, December 4, 2015

Merry Christmas, from all of you

Today, the kids and I got the Christmas decorations out of storage.  You all will never know how much those mean to me.  When Weston asked for ornaments, I was like "what?".  He received thousands of ornaments.  Today, as I unpacked the paper boxes that Stephen so lovingly brought us, it took my mind back.  Back to that happy time.  Back to when Weston was a fighter and I was a total believer in the process.  He were all still wanting him to get that transplant and he would rock that.  So, I think now, did he really rock it?  Is transplant what we SHOULD have chosen?  I have mixed feelings but, I know that 1000% we did everything under the sun to keep him going.  I know we cheered him.  I know we loved him.  I know that the kids kept him lively. I know that we did everything we could to get him to gain weight.  So, where do you come in?   Many nights I laid awake on his couch, looking up at his ornaments.  I remember them so vividly.  Every ornament let me know that someone, somewhere was thinking of him.  In such a weird way, I think that is why he asked for ornaments.  He knew Adam and I needed that support.  So, please know that this Christmas is just the same.  We will hang Weston's ornaments and know that so many people love him and our family.  We will have a tree of love from all over the world.

Thanksgiving was awful for me.  Giving thanks felt like ripping my heart out of my chest.  It took my breath.  This year, somehow seemed worse.  Not the circumstances, I was surrounded by friends, but it just took me back to our last Thanksgiving.  Adam ripped off the door to my oven.  It could have been hilarious but I cried.  Thanksgiving needed to be perfect.  All hospital holidays need to be perfect.  His nurse called and we were juggling everything to come.  I felt like such a failure.  But, in true Keeton form, we rocked it.  Weston and the kids ate and ate, we fed the staff, and everyone took a nice nap.  Best moments.  

For the next few days, we are challenging you to give 5, give 5 dollars to http://www.karisheartfoundation.info  They were amazing during Weston's stay and just amazing.  Please put it in your heart to give 5 for Weston.