6 months and a surprise!

I will start with the fabulous surprise!  Adam Keeton and I completed our family on September 15, 2014.  I gave birth to Kinley Elizabeth Keeton.  When we found out we were going to have another baby, we were so worried about her health and my health that we decided to not do a formal announcement.  Our good friend, Woody, wrote Adam a special song for me to announce the pregnancy with. And, so many folks at CHOP helped me be able to care for Weston yet be as safe, prenatally, as possible around such toxic, post transplant meds and procedures.  We were able to tell Weston that he was going to be a big brother before he passed away and he was SO excited.  All of the kids had asked Santa for a baby for Christmas. When he passed away, we were still very early in pregnancy and we needed to focus on the kids and our family so we didn't feel comfortable sharing the news. We couldn't handle two public losses.  That's when we decided to make her birth a surprise. Everyone needed to be uplifted like we were throughout my pregnancy with her but we didn't want to stress people with worrying about Kinley or me. In so many ways, I know Weston was watching over us.  I had an appointment every week so we would take the kids and we would get to see her on the ultrasound and get to listen to heart heartbeat.  We had a 4D ultrasound and she looked just like Weston did when he would sleep.   Even our nurse practitioner at the perinatologist had met Weston because she used to work at the kids pediatrician.   Obviously, if you saw us, you saw me pregnant but everyone was so respectful and realized that we would share at just the right time. The doctors decided to take her early because of my complicated c-section with Ellie. I took steroid shots a week ago and had an amniocentesis on Thursday that showed that Kinley's lungs were mature. She had to go to the NICU because her blood sugar was very low (probably from the cord being wrapped around her body) and she was breathing very fast as a result of the low blood sugar. She has nothing like the issues that Weston had. We are hopeful that she will get to come back upstairs to the regular nursery either today or tomorrow. Thank you all so much for being part of our SURPRISE! We chose the name Kinley after Weston. His middle name was McKinley and he was named after his papaw who passed away in November. We chose Elizabeth as the middle name after Weston's best friend, Megan, who passed away from PH. She was Weston's angel and I have no doubt that the two of them are playing together everyday in Heaven.

Recovery has been so hard.  Post-partum emotions paired with grief makes me feel so lost sometimes.  It is like a seesaw of happiness and heartache.  Adam and I are so fortunate that God gave us sweet Kinley but everyday, I cry because I feel like Weston would have just loved her to pieces.    He treasured being a big brother and loved babies.  He named all of the pregnant nurses and doctors babies-Weston-whether they were a boy or a girl.  Weston has been gone 6 months today.  Sometimes, the time feels so short-like it all happened just yesterday and then some days, well, they just seem to last forever.  It is the deepest pain I have ever struggled with.  I am so thankful that we have such wonderful family and friends that have been supporting us and praying for us.  Almost everyday, someone tells me how they (or their church) have been praying for our family.  At Holston Valley, the hospital we delivered Kinley at, just about every doctor or nurse told us how much they had been praying for us.  It was so apparent when Kinley was in the NICU that Weston was right there with her.  I walked in to nurse her and saw one of Weston's first Sunday School teachers that was working as a nurse in the NICU.  It took me by surprise but she came up and told me how she had been praying for us, it was so genuine and really was such a highlight for me.  God sends you uplifting people when you need them the most.  It was so special that she got to be the nurse to graduate Kinley from the NICU to the regular floor and bring her in for her great-grandma Mitchell to see her for the first time.  I just felt like Weston was there with us and had been looking over Kinley the entire time.  Not to mention, while in the NICU for just 56 hours, Kinley managed to be channel Weston's strong will and pull out 2 IV's.   Every time I cry, I think about once, when I was rocking Weston after they thought he was going to pass away, I was crying and crying and crying.  He asked me sweetly if I would please stop making his head wet.  It made me laugh so much.

On November 1, our friends at SMILE for JC will be having a Frozen party.  All proceeds from photographs taken will be donated to Kari's Heart Foundation in honor of Weston.  We hope to see everyone all decked out in their most fabulous Frozen attire.    https://www.facebook.com/events/290667604469866/?fref=ts 

We have appreciated all of the baby gifts and the meals from everyone.  Our friend made a meal sign up if you are interested in bringing us food http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=TVFI9335&v=3a59f0408a 

I am attaching the song that Woody Wolfe put together for Adam to surprise him with the news of my pregnancy https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B_h63Z-R1xnqaTNyQ0hPaHR2TEE/edit   Thank you all for praying for us and loving our family!   Welcome to the family baby Kinley Elizabeth Keeton.  You are SO loved!

Our Little Hero turns 8

For a child who wasn't supposed to live past a few days old (even shorter since we had no idea he had a heart defect), 7 and a half years is an amazing feat. Today, well, this morning at 1:24am, Weston celebrated his 1st birthday in Heaven. In my mind, I know it he is having a ball with his best friend, Megan. He is getting the yummiest goodies and having the best time. Here on earth is a little different. My heart hurts. I can only liken it to that feeling when you get the breath knocked out of you-except it happens at just the thought of him. We asked people to wear RED in honor of Weston's bday and we have been overwhelmed with the response. You all make life easier for us just by showing us how much he was loved. We raised 901 dollars in honor of him and donated it to the rediothon. Check out the vignette that WOGL put together here (you need some tissues)https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_h63Z-R1xnqbnRyUkZTeDVCQ2M/edit?usp=sharing People keep asking how we are doing. I am still not sure how to respond. We get through the days. We seem happy. We are doing "normal" family things. It is the blending in that I struggle with. How do you try to be normal after such an abnormal few years? I think God an I have an understanding. It is just going to take me awhile to get through this heartache and find my way again. My belief in God is still strong but I always felt like I could get through anything with God-like he carried us for the last few years. And now, I kind of feel dropped, disheveled, abandoned, and unsure of what to do next. Why am I in so much pain if God loves me so much? Then, there is that now so normal feeling of having the breath knocked out of me because the pain is so intense. And then, I see reminders that Weston is with me everywhere I go now and his life in Heaven is much greater and richer than anything we could have given him here. We asked folks to wear red today in honor of Weston and to spread awareness for Congenital Heart Defects and Pulmonary Hypertension. Both are so important to us. Please continue to keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. The kids are so excited to have a party for Weston in Heaven today.