I didn't realize all of the way to show love until there was you. I gave my all for Adam and Easton but, you needed a different kind of love. A love that I had to dig deep in my soul to find. I had to be an advocate, a cheerleader, a caregiver, a nurse, a personal assistant, and a decision maker. None of those are my strong suits. Before you, I was afraid. Afraid of the things I never know. I didn't even know I was afraid of them. I remember the day, in your PICU room, the sweet echo guy. He was so young and he looked terrified. I was hanging onto his every single expression and when he sent out whatever 911 call, he sent that called every doctor in the hospital in, that is a feeling I will never forget. I was begging him and hysterically crying for him to tell me what was wrong. How could anything be wrong? I had a ton of ultrasounds? I ate the right stuff. He told me a doctor was coming to talk to me. Adam came back (he had run home to get clothes) and together, we watched a small Indian woman, draw us a photo of Weston's heart. Fast forward, 9 years. You would be 9. Adam and I are sitting in the office of your cardiologist, the woman that saved your life. I didn't want to go there. I cried the whole morning, I was mean, I was hateful, and I just wanted to run away. No one wants to hear bad news and I was certain, we would have some awful surprises. We had everyone that ever walked into Weston's room check out whichever kid that happened to be there, but I was still so afraid. Walking in, I wanted to throw up. I spent a lot of time checking kids in and then we got to the echoes. We met Eddie (wonderful) who eased my mind immediately by talking to Easton like a friend. Maybe he could feel my mommy eyes glaring at the screen or that if he had seen something bad that I was going to vomit in his lap. Yes, I hovered. As the kids got passed back and forth (Adam and I traded out in the hall), I got to catch up with Amber, her lovely nurse. Amber was a Godsend. Everyday, for so long, I would call her and leave a message that Weston had a crisis and we would be in at 8am. She was a blessing and a welcomed smile. Dr. Anand came in during every echo to reassure me. Thank you, Jesus, the kids all have healthy hearts.
I want to encourage my mama friends to get your kids checked. I know it is scary. I am so grateful to Adam that he forced me to face my biggest fear!
