Sometimes, I think about all of the things your dad and I miss out on with you. When I went to the homeschool equivalent of parent teacher night, I walked past one class very quickly. Thankfully, my childhood friend was the teacher so I am sure she knew why I couldn't look in her direction. You would have been in that class. I see those kids and it is hard to imagine you in there. I am sure you would have rocked 3rd grade but WOW, that seems so old. I don't always think about you being big because we struggled so hard to get you to grow. I saw some pictures of you yesterday. Those hospital days feel like yesterday and an eternity away at the same time. In so many ways, I miss those days. Everyday knowing you were being cared for by the very best but, I will never ever miss the scary days, the dark days, and the ones where only tears were shed.
I was thinking tonight how yesterday, Kinley took her first steps while I held out a treat. You loved treats and your first time walking was so you could eat a banana. I think about what you are doing in Heaven, a lot. I know Heaven is a wonderful place and I am sure you are cared for but, I would enjoy a little glimpse. But then, maybe that would make me miss you even more. My biggest fear is that I will forget you. That I will forget the memories, the funny jokes, and the sound of your voice. As much as I love listening to videos of you, at the same time, it hurts like pins and needles. I may never understand this life but I know that I miss you to the moon and back.
No comments:
Post a Comment