Adam and I have been married 10 and a half years. We have never vacationed without our kids, except for our honeymoon. Over the past years, we have struggled. We have lived apart (because of Weston's health), we have grown apart, we have lived separate lives. A year ago, we decided to change that. We were going to make time for "us". Us as a couple. After Weston died, we fell into the "we will make everything ok for our kids" routine. We did a great job of that but we didn't take care of each other. We tried to learn to live together again-to coexist in a way. We co-parented but it wasn't that same spark. I was worried we were destined the same fate that so many other heart, transplant, and angel families have-DIVORCE. We fight, don't get me wrong. We can even make other people cry while we fight. But, at the end of the day, there is no one that I would rather have this crazy life with than Adam. So, a year ago, we decided to take a vacation without the kids (gasp). No kids, no babies, no diapers-just us. Geez, how scary is that. We decided to go on a cruise to Alaska (Adam was afraid I would try to come back to the kids if I got homesick). We prepped everything perfectly. The little kids stayed with Paulette, Cheeto stayed with Pam, and the big kids went to camp and spent the weekends at Ginger and Greg's. Adam and I flew away to begin a vacation. It was life changing, to say the least. We were friends. We had things to talk about. We enjoyed being together and shared a lot of fun activities. We laughed together at getting into wetsuits. We learned to communicate by kayaking together. I learned that if I ever cruise with Adam again, I need a balcony because the man loves to sit outside (rain, shine, hot, or cold). I learned that we both love something about living somewhere remote---well, kind of remote. I need wifi. Let's be real. We both loved Vancouver. The friendliness was overwhelming. The transportation was impeccable. Adam and I walked the streets holding hands. We discovered new places. We browsed the markets and enjoyed finding treasures for the kids. We talked about Weston some too-not in sadness, but, he made it known that he was with us along the way. On the last night, we were voted cutest couple. We had met a singer at the restaurant and told him a little of our story (just that we had 8 kids and never vacationed without them-we left out Weston dying and our crazy dog). As Adam and I danced and the whole bar clapped and cheered, I knew that THIS was the man I married. This was my sweetheart and we made it. We made it through all of the crap, we made it through unbelievable strife, and we survived-together.
I have so many friends that have never left their kids. I want to encourage you all to find somewhere for them to go and spend a night, a weekend, a week, or even 2 weeks to reconnect with your husband. It was absolutely amazing for us! I think it is easy to get our lives wrapped completely around our children but, soon, they will be grown and we will only have each other to live with. Healthy marriages are so important.
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