I just hope you remember me

These last few months have been bizarre.  I feel like I forget how to feel or act.  We are working on getting settled into this new life.  What makes me crazy is the people that know the "new us" never knew the "old us".  Some don't even know about the struggles, the years we spent apart, and YOUR FIGHT.  Some have no clue of what a warrior you are and were.  How are we the family missing a key part.  I used to want an even number of kids, always.  I wanted every child to have a best buddy.  I never imagined the boys losing one of their best buddies.  We will never forget you, not ever, never, without a doubt.

Last weekend, I touched your hand mold for the first time since you passed away.  It was just like I think of it in my mind.  Your skinny fingers, your hand, so small, just perfect.  You used to love to play with my long hair.  Once, when I had it trimmed, you complained because you couldn't reach it as well.  Today, we went through some stuff from you room.  YOU were so loved by everyone.  The kids were blessed from the folks that thought so much of you and our family.  Your personality was electric.  And, we brought home the cotton candy machine!  I know you loved that.

We think of you everyday.  In the past year, some things have improved.  I can drive now without hysterical tears.  We talk a lot about you and what you mean to our family.  The kids know that when they see hearts, that is means they are thinking about them.  And well, your dad and I, I think we are learning to live with a broken heart.

On June 1, we will start the Change for CHOP campaign!  This money goes to Child Life, Music, and Art.  You LOVED those!  SO, guys, start collecting your change!  Our goal, this year, is 536!  The miles from our house to CHOP!  Those miles Adam drove so many times.  Those miles, we sometimes drove together.  The happiest miles and the devastating miles.  Philadelphia, especially the people at CHOP, are forever so much a fantastic part of our life.  We love you all and thank you for praying for us and sending special thoughts!!!